"Michael". I jumped up.
I wasn't expecting to see anyone at 7.00 in the morning.
It was Cindy. "Yoga starts in half an hour".
"OK great, see you there", I replied almost without knowing what I was saying. Cindy told me there was a shortcut to the Yoga and I arranged to meet her in 10 minutes.
I walked with Cindy to the yoga. I had given up on wearing shoes.
"There is nothing here dangerous here I could step on is there?".
"Oh No............., except the snakes, you are out in the Jungle here". Great - snakes !
Morning yoga was 2 hours long. This was the serious session. There I sat in the PCYH (partially completed yoga hut) and flicked the caterpillars away from me. I was cornered by Trish and her counterparts. This time I was careful not to take Trish's yoga mat.
Where was my soul bother ? Where was Sting ? The new man, toned, bronzed, healthy devoting his time to acquire eastern knowledge and powers that would improve his health and longevity.
Then the yoga started, I got into my downward dog, warrior, dolphin, cobra.
Trish my evil nemesis stood at the front, directly in front of Jane. Now this was clearly Jane, the yoga teacher's turf. No one was going to argue with Jane here
"To the right Trish, your hips" said Jane.
"I am learning to the right" says Trish. What was this, Trish was questioning the yoga guru. No one had questioned Jane.
"No the other way" said Jane.
"No, you said right" replied Trish.
If Trish swivelled her head left or right to see what other people were doing, which I would have thought was the automatic reaction in this situation, Trish would have seen everyone else was pointing in the opposite direction. But Trish didn't flinch or turn. She looked straight at Jane, reversed her position and then added "But, you said right".
Trish was a Rotweiller of a women. If you messed with her she was liable to attack. She was travelling on her own. Presumably because she had bitten most of her friends. .After Ulpotha she was off to the
The class continued
Ginny stumbled while trying a one legged move and ended up half way across the room. "Oh Sorry" came out of her mouth in enunciated tones.
Susanna couldn't do various positions because she had a bad leg,arm,foot,finger,toe,ankle,ear or elbow.
The 2 hour class only seemed like an hour and fifty minutes.
The yoga class was coming to the end. "Right everybody, in a circle". What was this - Oh No.
Chanting !!! everyone was given a photocopied sheet from the Yoga Instructors Manual.
"Pramamberan, Travangerma, Disamberam,
"Miverangram, Pertuberangnam, Merangeram,
"Spangramam, Trisvisham, Eataaaspam,
Five minutes of chanting and mediation and at last it was over.
I walked back towards my hut and this time found the toilet and bathroom. This time I noticed tooth brushes by the sink. Some one had already laid claim to my toilet.
It was now time for breakfast which consisted of pineapple, papaya, tea and pancakes formed out of cold vermicelli filled with sweat chutney.
"Tambeele, please” the gang of 4 from NW4 were saying to one of the natives. "Tambeele Michael ?". "What the fuck was tamvbeele", I thought to myself. Tambeele I discovered was coconut. The gang of 4 were acquiring linguistic skills that would greatly help them in the future. They would return home safe in the knowledge that if they ever got lost in the Sri Lankan jungle, they could ask for a coconut.
"So Cindy, what is there to do here apart from the Yoga and the treatments" I asked.
"Plenty", she replied. "
""You can take a bicycle and ride around the tracks here" -No.
"You can take a bicycle and ride to the village which is about 2 kilometres away" - No.
"You can walk up to the temple in the hills". This sounded interesting.
"Where is it." I asked.
"It is a couple of hours walk over there" She pointed loosely in the direction of a large hill where I could see the white spire and dome of a Buddhist temple.
"How do I get there ?" I asked.
"You just follow the tracks". Bear in mind without Cindy I couldn't find the Yoga Hut. Here was a
"You can grab Gian Luca, he walked up there yesterday."
Gian Luca I discovered, spent every conceivable minute when not playing his guitar or giving his treatments, sunning himself on a rock. Was Gian Luca really going to repeat yesterdays trek again today ?
That was it there was no alternative for me reading (during daylight hours), treatments and yoga
After breakfast I had my treatment with Sean. Sean spoke very slowly and very deliberately in a very relaxed semi hypnotic way.
He spent an hour and half giving me "charbuti" massage where he used his feet to massage my body. After I got over the initial "Why I am letting this big bloke rub his feet on me" I really enjoyed the massage. It was excellent. Using his feet he could apply pressure deeply and more evenly than a regular massage.
I had lunch, ate more curry and pineapple and went to read my book before evening yoga.
Then dinner, more curry and pineapple.
We sat around after dinner Gian Luca the chiropractor got his guitar out.
"Play the beetles" shouted Susanna
"Leeedit Beeaaa Ohhhhh Leeeedit Beea", came out of Gian Luca's mouth as he strummed his guitar. Then out came Cindy
"Don't worry every one I have photocopied the words of all the Beatles songs" she said triumphantly. I prayed the stack of paper would be incinerated by a bolt of lightning.
It was an evening of Gian Luca playing, Beatles, Radiohead and Coldplay on his guitar.
"What song is that" said Trish.
"Radioooahead" said Gian Luca
"Oh I recognise it" said Trish.
"Dis isa very uncommon song, you know it".
"Of course said Trish"
Gian luca played the songs he liked repeatedly.
As it got darker the women moved closer and to Gian Luca vying with each other to hold a torch so that he could see the music, or turn a page of his song book, or rub his shoulders, in fact anything to be near Gian Luca.
Hours after hour he played and then it happened.
"Oh aaa I brokaaa string". The music would be ended, no more of Sussana's terrible voice ringing in my ears.
"Do you have any spare strings" Asked one of the gang of 4.
"Noaaa" came the response.
It was over, but then......
"I will avaaa toooa gettaaa my oddaa guitar".
Gian Luca had schlepped not one, but two guitars out to the jungle.
It started again "Inaaa times of zoro, mudda nature talka to me"
Eventually the music dyed away and I walked back to my PCH.I looked up and got a shock. I hadn't noticed, the sky on the night before. It was pitch black but full of bright, bright stars. It was like thousands of ubber torches pointing down straight at me.
This time I crawled under my mosquito net worried about snakes instead of evil spirits. Who was I going to call if a snake crawled into my hut?
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