Osho Day 1

Day 1

The first morning was something of a surprise and shock. From a meditation centre I was expecting calm relaxed people with a laissez fair attitude to life and organisation. Instead we were met with Indian Beaurocracy with a gaunt unshaven German face in the form of Herman the German organiser. Here was the deal. The information meeting started at 9.30 am. Without the information meeting you couldn’t participate and basically had to stay in your room until the next information meeting. There was only one information meeting a day. You had to register before the information meeting and registration opened at 9.00 am. Within the 30 minutes, the group of 35 people (including us) who were from a variety of countries had to

Change money.
Register their details on the system
Take an aids test.
Get the results of the aids test
Pay for the information meeting
Buy vouchers as cash wasn’t handled.
Go across the road and buy a robe.

The sequence had to be done in the correct order. There was no formal guidance prior or during the process and it had to be completed within 30 minutes or we would be spending the next 24 hours doing nothing.

The stress built up steadily as the minutes ticked away and the standard scenes of unstoppable objects (American Tourists) hitting immovable objects (German Organisers) was unfolding. “I just need to check-in to the hotel” said the America. “I will be back in 15 minutes”. This was met with “If you leave zee building, you vill ave to vate until tomorrow for yor tour”.

“But”, said the American. “No buts”, said Herman. “Zeez are zee rules”

We were taken around the resort by a Belgian girl and her female Taiwanese Tonto complete with plated pigtails. Dressed in our burgundy robes, we were were led around. The campus was attractive: a combination of colonial, traditional low rise office buildings and new age pyramids. It was nice but not in the same league of say a deluxe holiday resort. The best description I could give of the surroundings was a down market club med that had recently been renovated. I had expected quiet and isolation. It was quiet but not isolated. It was partly overlooked by low rise residential buildings and higher rise office blocks. Basically you went to the bottom of Pune high street and turned left and you were at Osho.

Then there was our introduction. This included what I dreaded most – group exercises. People were called up to the front of the room according to Nationality. “Ah, you are from Germany. You will dance like German people and everybody else in the room will copy you”. The Germans slapped there ankles and thighs and danced around. The Israelis were called up. Hava Nagila I thought, but no they got Arabic music. Not what they were expecting but fine. The Indians got Punjabi music everybody copied them well. Then there was the call I dreaded “anyone from England.” Me and Joel walked to the front. “You are from England” they confirmed?. “Yes we are” we replied. “Good”, Tonto looked up from the CD case “We have some Irish music that you can dance to”. After a momentary pause while we considered whether there was any point discussing this issue, off we went. Joel and I dressed in our burgundy robes, doing our best Michael Flatley impersonations copied by the on looking group of Germans, Israelis, Indians and the American. If I only I had a photograph. Ah but photographs are not permitted at Osho.

We then did group dancing with masks and were shown an introduction into dynamic meditation.

We sat outside with Sabena and Tonto. Sabena told us of her problems and why she had come to Osho which essentially was a difficult relationship with her parents.

After lunch of vegetarian Indian food, I went to book some one on one activities, NLP hypnotism, core stability training, ayeveda massage. The costs were mounting up. I went to sort out some more cash. Cash was king at Osho. Like a car with a big engine burning petrol, Osho burned cash.

I went to the multiversity booking centre were you booked your courses or sessions. Behind the desk was a Californian called Jim. He was in his late fifties had a good tan and closely cropped grey hair. His sign burns were shaved at angle like captain Kirk and he wore a stylish antique Rolex on his wrist.

“I want the core integration yoga massage, please”.

“OK” said Jim who starting taping into his computer terminal. “We have availability with Mahindra, he is excellent,. Oh here, he is”. I turned round expecting to see a wiry little Indian man. Instead, in front of me stood a huge Scandinavian. He was in his late 50’s or early 60’s. His wild hair and long beard were completely white. He was dressed from head to feet in black robes with a white sash. I had one thought “Osho’s converted Santa to the dark side”.

Mahindra had no bookings for when I wanted. So Jim fixed me up with Devan “she is also excellent”. Jim obviously knew all the staffs’ abilities OR he was over from Osho’s LA sales office and he was demonstrating a standard US sales technique.

I met up with Joel who had booked his self hypnosis course. “I have got a really good instructor sorted for tomorrow”.” How do you know he’s good?” I asked him. “The guy behind the desk told me he is excellent! “

I went back to my room. Joel who had been doing his own thing knocked on my door. He was off to the 4.15 session of kundalini Meditation session. At 4.25 there was a knock at my door. It was Joel.

“That was quick, what happened?” I asked.
“Well, I arrived 2 minutes late, just as they were closing the doors. Apparently he and the group of other people with him were told they were disrespectors and were instructed to leave immediately. “

Twenty four hours hadn’t yet passed and Joel had been branded a “direspector.” I was the brother of the “disrespector.” This could have consequences.

I had spent most my day people watching. Despite the uniformity of the maroon robes, you could still differentiate between various groups of people.

There were the obvious Indian yogis. These were small wiry men with long beards which varied from dark black to shining silver grey.

There were the top “big issue” sales people. Not your average straight corner sellers but, your hard core high volume movers who had won the right to be here. Despite the standard robes - the woolly hats, unkempt beards and dodgy shoes gave them away. These were rarely seen.

There were the Japanese, small dark haired. But their distinguishing feature was the Nike or Adidas logo on the maroon techno fleece gillets or jackets worn over there maroon robes.

There were the Germans who combined socks and sandals.

Then there were the Italians. Their robes were different from everyone else. Perfectly pressed, a slightly different shade of maroon, coordinated with the right shoes and sunglasses, jewellery and bags. Somehow the robes just looked better on them. “Hold on one minute their robes were different”. There were no silk or linen robes or coordinating linen trousers in the Osho shop. They had there robes made for them.

Finally there were the backpackers – flip-flops or no shoes.

I understood the idea of the robes - uniformity, removing materialism from the campus. But it didn’t work for me. Why ? Jewellery, Sunglasses (see the paragraph about the Italians) shoes, (ditto the previous point). There was plenty of Channel, Cartier, Gucci and Prada on display even before 8.00 pm when the robes came off.

I had only been at Osho for 24 hours but I was already forming a view of the experience.

Joel told me I had to suspend my natural scepticism in order to get something out of Osho. He was right of course, but I was already struggling. None of the 3 osho people I had met that day had given any reason to believe otherwise. It hadn’t taken the German out of Herman. He was still as uptight as any of his countrymen. The Belgium and Tonto had both folded under easy questioning during the Welcome meeting. “One of the Israelis had asked for explanation and instruction into the mediation.” The response he got was to be pointed to where he could buy Osho books, CD’s and magazines about meditation.

This was not what I was expecting. Some of my friends had been reborn into the Judaism. They were won over people by philosophical debate, reasoned discussion and by a hard sell from experts; men who had studied their stuff over decades. Not an emotional troubled ex-Sabena stewardess who lacked the ability to answer the simplest of questions. There was no history, no context, and no debate. There was simply activity followed by inactivity.

Osho allied itself with many crank therapies that were on offer as paid courses. Reiki, constellation training, cranial biodynamic, post reichan therapy, tarot, colour therapy. All of these were available as paid courses within Osho

There were a lot of Israelis staying and working at Osho. What had happened on Yom Kippur I wondered?

Joel talked to me about changing my mental state. “You know when you are doing something and you are not concentrating on anything in particularly. Your mind is blank then a thought just pops into your head…..” I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.

This was an extremely important comment that gave me an insight into Joel and the differences in our mental processes. Joel’s mind was always completely prepared for inactivity.

I on the other hand I was always thinking something, well to exact always worrying about something…things I had to do, work tasks, plans, ideas chores. I always did at least two things at once. I watched TV while working on the computer, I read books while listening to music, I ate lunch while reading or walking.

I couldn’t think of a time when my mind was idol. Joel was permanently relaxed and I was neurotic.